Tag: bereavement

I help people to find meaning from loss

Betty Ann Rutledge – Volunteers, Outreach & Training Community Hospice & Friendly Visiting Program

I met him when I first started in 1991. My Mom had just been diagnosed with cancer and so for the six months that she lived, he actually helped me prepare for her death. Like here is a man, who he himself was living with a terminal illness, and at the time when life expectancy for people with HIV was not great. It was before all the drug treatments. He saw something in me that was worth tending to. You know, he knew that I coming in young, fresh, and full of energy. You know, as an activist. My friend, Ted, was tested HIV positive and I was wanting to be involved. And I think he saw what a big heart I had and I think he saw if I wasn’t companioned well on the journey I was on—with my Mom and Ted—I was not going to be able to sustain doing this work. And I think he saw something in me that I didn’t even see in myself.

Click play to hear a full interview with Betty Ann below: 

Felt like I was left on an island by myself

Novelette Munroe – Client and Volunteer – Bereavement Program

It’s not something a teenager or a 20-year-old typically thinks about. That their life will be cut shorter than the average person and so it was something I had to think about. And then, be there for my friends as they experienced all their ailments that eventually took their lives and wonder at the same time when that would happen to me.

Click play to hear a full interview with Novelette below: 

He wanted to die at home

Coral Konatowski – Client – Palliative Services

You’ve got to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. I didn’t take that and use it very well. I wasn’t good at taking care of myself. I didn’t care for myself. It was more about him. You have to take care of yourself before you take care of someone else, you have to nourish yourself. You know you just have to be there for them. They go through all those stages and I think you do a little bit too. The anger and then the hurt, and you know this is going to happen, and then you don’t realize until they are gone. I think you get prepared for it too, so when he passed, I was very prepared so I didn’t even cry at the time when he was cremated. But it creeps up on you as time goes by. The loneliness and then somehow you just get through it.

Click play to hear a full interview with Coral below: 

She had to hold our dead son in her arms

Paula Paunic – Volunteer – Palliative and Bereavement Program – Pregnancy – Infant Loss

The husband at first was a little bit hesitant to share what he was feeling because he felt his grief wasn’t… He kept downplaying his grief, “My grief isn’t as important as my wife’s. She had to carry our son for 21 weeks and be induced and hold our dead son in her arms. I can’t even compare my grief to hers.” And it’s so important in this organization that we let men know that their grief is just as valuable and just as important and the journey of healing is important.

Click play to hear a full interview with Paula below: 

 

Get the heck of out the house!

Clarine Taylor – Client – Adult Day Center Program

Get Wheel Transit. Get the heck of out the house. You know you can’t sit home and do nothing. You’ve got to do something. Because you get atrophy. Everything just gets useless and you’ll never get out of bed. So you don’t want to stay home. You’ve got to get out and do things, no matter what it is. You’re still able to do it, no matter how old you are. I was just reading in the newspaper this morning, a woman who is 80 years old going swimming and everything else. I obviously can’t do that because of my breathing problem, but I would love to. I always like to swim.

Click play to hear a full interview with Clarine below: 

Absolute lesson in surrender and learning how to receive

Chrystalla Chew – Palliative Care Coordinator

I broke my ankle in 2004 and it was really the first time in a very long time that I was on the receiving end of absolute kindness. Because I am good at being kind and taking care of others, but this time other people were stepping forward and taking care of me. The blessing of receiving such tender kindness from a retired nurse who would get up in the morning and drive over to my house, get me dressed, give me breakfast, and get me organized for the rest of the day because she knew my husband was overwhelmed and he couldn’t do it. I had no way to get up to go to the bathroom and the only person I could call was my landlady and she came and took me to the toilet. So it was an absolute lesson in surrender and learning how to receive.

Click play to hear a full interview with Chrystalla below: 

I swore the world owed me because I lost my loved one to homicide

Michelle Nicole – Client and Volunteer – Palliative – Spousal loss through violence

I used to play the victim role a lot. And I swore the world owed me because I lost my loved one to homicide. So the world owes me and I was going around like that and I didn’t even realize I was comfortable being the victim. And then they showed me my truth. It’s just something I won’t accept because I am not a victim. It is just something that has happened to me. And so here I am, I do a lot of work on gun violence as well within the community. And I can now because I am at a place where I can do that, but I had to help myself first.

Click play to hear a full interview with Michelle below: 

She said, “Heather saved my life.”

Heather Talbot – Client and Volunteer – Bereavement – Child Loss

One particular client who, she looked so so down, her son had completed suicide, and she looked old beyond her years. She just looked so so depressed. And then I saw a real change in her as the weeks went on. And she was one I encouraged to take the training and she facilitated a group with me and she said to the group, “Heather saved my life.” That to me, was the proudest moment.

Click play to hear a full interview with Heather below: